Mikkelina’s Thoughts

Being that I can not focus on ONE thing alone, this blog is about everything that crosses my mind and my eyes that I find worth sharing

Final impressions… October 8, 2008

Filed under: Life, Random Thoughts, travel — mikkelina @ 5:51 pm
Tags: , , , , , , ,

I’m almost done with my “recruitment” trip to Asia.  I am back in Hong Kong for the last leg of the trip and I have slowed down my pace.  My colleague and I (luckily she is originally from Hong Kong and even though our goals and tastes are quite different, we have managed to find a healthy common ground) are staying in a small but clean hotel in the Wanchai district of Hong Kong Island.  In the past few days I have been sensing that I might get sick.  My throat has been sore and my energy level is not as high as I am used to.  Might have to do with the extreme change in temperature between Vietnam and Korea (oh the weather in Korea was SO perfect!) and then back to hot Hong Kong.  That is fine though.  It forces me to slow down and do what I am doing right now.  I found a nice cafe called “the perfect cup”, sort of reminds me of the starbucks theme, except it’s not starbucks.  As Western as it can get with very pleasant Diana Krall-type jazz music giving it this cool feel.  At 8am it is a mix of “natives” and mostly white middle aged business men. 

 

As I look out my window I see: 7 Eleven and Outback Steakhouse right next to each other.  Yeah, did you know that every place I have been to (and that probably means every city in Asia) is bombarded with your classic: Starbucks, Mc Donald’s, 7 Eleven, Outback Steakhouse, Pizza Hut, Dunkin Donuts (in Seoul Korea…all over the place!), oh, and KFC…I know I should not be surprised, but I am.  I guess seeing it with my own eyes just confirms that reality.  I know it is not anything that can be stopped or avoided, so I don’t even try to think about it further.

 

My question is to myself: how can I possibly write down all the impressions I have experienced during this trip.  Remember, this was not a pleasure trip.  It was for work.  But I managed to find time to wander the streets sometimes aimlessly, sometimes with a specific goal.  When my sister in law recently told me that I still have the intense curiosity she saw in my eyes when she first met me (I was about 10 years old), I find that this trip confirms this fact.  I am like a sponge.  I look at everything around me.  I watch the people, I watch the way things are done, I observe people’s interactions and the unspoked rules, or lack of rules (such as transportation in Indonesia and Vietnam).  I sometimes think I will explode with all the senses that are stimulated while my eyes are open.

 

There is absolutely no way I can write it all down.  I don’t think I have the vocabulary and ability to describe it so that you, the reader, can truly relate or understand what I am looking at.  It would be my goal.  And so I have learned something else about myself.  I LOVE to take photos and I am thrilled to have fould out about myself that my lense has indeed become my choice of language to convey what I see.  All I need to do is SNAP and there you have it:

 

-  The traffic guard on the busy Seoul street who wears a microphone so that everyone hears him as he controls the pedestrian and vehicular crowd.

- The tiny Vietnamese old woman with her cigarette hanging from the corner of her mouth.  I would not want to run into her in a dark alley!

- The adorable high school children in their uniforms in Vietnam who answer questions in unison and give me peace signs as I walk past their classrooms and snap at them trying to avoid the wrath of their teacher.

-  The other little elementary schoolchildren who sit down to watch the impressive changing of the guards ceremony at the entrance of a palace park in Seoul.  There are groups wearing yellow t-shirts, blue t-shirts with “happy smiles” written on them, red t-shirts…and they clap and roar and show me the same innocense and purity that I see in every child of the world. 

- The remnants of British rule in Hong Kong.  Street names such as Lockhart, Hennessey, Fenwick… double decker buses and streetcars passing right by the open food market with fish. beef, duck…

- The homeless people who sleep in cardboard boxes at the underground station in Seoul.  A part of this society that my Korean friend tells me is very sad.  I agree.  He explains to me that many of these men have lost their jobs and that shame prevents them from returning home to their families.  I see an old man who looks like an ordinary grandfather.  I take a photo of him hoping he doesn’t wake up.  I do not want to add to his shame, but I want to document the intense sadness I feel when hear this story.

-  The orderliness all over Seoul.  The excellent customer service.  The wealth.  The addiction to brand names.  The tradition.  The fashion conscious youth.  The generally bland look on people’s faces.  No, Koreans in general would not rank at the top of my list of warm-hearted people.  I have met very warm individuals, but as a whole, when you walk down the streets I find them to be a bit robotic.

- The beautiful face of the young and strong Indonesia man I meet at Kaliandra.  The pleasurable feeling of looking at a warm and kind smile.

- The amazing ability to pretty much transport anything on motorscooters in Indonesia and Vietnam. 

- And then, in the background of all this, the occasional news reports I see regarding the presidential debates, the vice-presidential debate, the downfall of the financial markets…as I sit here I glance over to my neighbor’s newspaper and see titles such as: “give me back the money I made”, “it is only going to get worse”…no one seems to be immune to it.  But I must confess that I am not really connected to this reality right now.

 

…and there is so much more.  And I will share my photos with you as soon as I have uploaded and sorted through them (all 2000+ of them).  I look forward to sharing what I saw with you.  I look forward to reliving every moment.  I look forward to returning home and sitting in my favorite cafe Trieste and looking back to understand what I have learned from this trip to a corner of the world I have never been to before.

 

Alaska Women Reject Palin Rally September 14, 2008

Mudflats reports today on a rally organized by women in Anchorage, Alaska. He himself was floored when he got to the rally expecting to see about 15 or 20 people protesting. Instead, he found over 1400 women and men holding up signs, people honking…here is his post:

Alaska Women Reject Palin Rally is Huge!

Please pass this post on to your friends or post it on your own blog!

*******************then********************

Did you watch last night’s opening scene of Saturday Night Live? Well, Tina Fey did it! wow! amazing!
(I can’t post the video directly to my site ~ NBC copyright ~ so just go to this site:
Tina Fey as Sarah Palin on SNL

*************** and finally ******************

Bill Maher’s New Rules for September 12th:

 

Points of View from an Alaskan September 5, 2008

I recently came across this blog which I am now subscribing to. The following link is on the blog…a letter written by a fellow Wasilla resident called Anne Kilkenny who knows Sarah Palin very well and seems unafraid to share some of her knowledge:
A letter about Sarah Palin from Anne Kilkenny

This is what I like about the internet…it has a lot of junk, but boy does it get us closer to each other and gives us more choices about information gathering…

 

Thank you! Jon Stewart! September 5, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — mikkelina @ 7:02 am

I’ve been searching for this video clip and finally found it. I have been a bit outraged since watching Thompson, Juliani, Palin etc…at the RNC…what bullshit people can spit out of their mouths! And then this fresh breath of air just to release a bit of the tension in my body…

 

Kvetching Mikkelina… September 3, 2008

Do me a favor ~ just let me kvetch, shake my head and think out loud for a moment: what happened to customer service…watch what’s around you…pay attention, people! Here goes:

#1 ~ I go to the Vietnamese Consulate close to my house to pick up my passport and visa for my upcoming trip (oh yes! I am flying to a few Asian countries next month for business…first time!). I get there early as usual (yeah, that’s the German girl in me…ALWAYS early!). It opens at 8:30am and I’m there at 8:25am. There are two people ahead of me. That’s fine. The Philipina security guard is there. We’re all there. People come in one after the other. They sign in. We follow instructions. We sit. We wait. Quietly. Patiently. 8:30am. 8:35am. 8:40am. 8:45am. 8:50am. 9:00am!
A woman wanders in. The queen has arrived. We keep sitting. We keep waiting. Patiently. The guard and I exchange looks. I feel sorry for her. She probably has to deal with this every morning. I think out loud: she has her own schedule. The guard responds: yes, not American schedule. We chuckle. People behind me are chuckling. Have we released a bit of tension in this why-the-hell-is-the-air-conditioner-on room?

Finally, things start moving. When it’s my turn I say a polite “good morning” (no one hears my sarcasm, right?). I hand in my receipt, she disappears for another few minutes only to return and tell me (without a smile) that I need to wait a few more minutes for the passport to be stamped. Are you freaking kidding me??? I take a deep breath. I step aside. I stand there and wait…making sure she knows I’m right there with her. Another 5 minutes pass and she finally looks up at me and attempts to explain that they were very busy yesterday preparing for their National Holiday. Oh well! THAT changes everything, doesn’t it?

5 minutes later she finally hands me my passport. The next 2.4 seconds fly away and I am already across the street at Whole Foods choosing my brioche…

#2 ~ With brioche and bagel in hand at the check out counter at Whole Foods, I have to stretch over one of those mini carts to place my food on the belt. So I stop for a moment and assess the situation. The woman in front of me is swiping her credit card…she stands about 2 feet from the cart so it is not quite clear if it belongs to her. The conversation inside of me begins:
- whose cart is this? this woman’s?
- well, if it’s hers, why didn’t she pull it closer to her so people can do put their food on the belt?
- looks to me like she’s oblivious and doesn’t seem to care…and is actually going to leave this darn thing sitting there for someone else to move.
- one of these, huh?

I almost grab the cart to move it away, but I stop myself. I’m irritated. I get her attention (with my loud and clear voice).

- Excuse me, is this your cart?
She looks at me for about 2 seconds trying to understand what I am saying to her.
- Oh! you can have it! (I can’t believe it!)
- no. I don’t want it.
And I push it closer to her, giving her the look that says (loud and clear): you b—h! take f—–g responsibility and move your cart out of the way! is that SO hard to do??

I know it is perhaps an exaggerated reaction of mine. But you need to know that at that moment I feel the accumulation of all these times I’ve wanted to stomp my feet like a 2-year old having a temper tantrum… because people can be so irresponsible and unaware of what’s around them: when my neighbors toss beer bottles down the garbage shoot instead of putting them in the recycling bin; when that woman takes her huge cart down the narrow aisle at Nordstrom rack’s shoe department and just leaves it there while she tried on shoes making it impossible for anyone to walk through the aisle; when the idiots in their cars have to prove their power by glueing the front of their car to the butt of the car in ahead of them so that NO OTHER car can get in; when the girl on the bus makes sure everyone else on the bus has to listen to her amazingly interesting conversation…

#3…and while all this is happening…I am given the gift of the girl in the aisle to my right, yes, talking on her freakin’ cell phone…yes, loud…yes, annoyingly narcissistic and self-assured that we all have to listen to that amazingly interesting conversation she is having…

I leave. I run. I go home. I take a deep breath. OH! what a beautiful day I am going to have today!

oh…and just because I feel like it…

 

Sunday at the Renegade Fair ~ Part 2 July 17, 2008

Sunday at the Renegade Fair Part 1 can be found here.
Mucca Pazza at the Renegade Fair ~ Part 3

Here are a few more of the booths that I particularly liked as I wandered the aisles of amazing creativity:

This young woman, Jenifer from Sprout Studio, was thrilled to have her picture taken. I walked into her booth because I saw this skateboard with umbrellas painted on it hanging on a black wall. It was simple yet popped out like a red butterfly on a pile of ash. I also liked the way she displayed all of her other pieces…

http://www.sproutstudio.net/

http://www.sproutstudio.net/

http://www.sproutstudio.net/

http://www.sproutstudio.net/

http://www.sproutstudio.net/

http://www.sproutstudio.net/

Ach Ach Liebling (means: “Oh Oh Darling” in German) is the brainchild of Joanne Petrone, a local San Franciscan artist. I am a sucker for anything organic and just the fact that she had her necklaces displayed on a big ‘ol piece of driftwood did it for me. Then I actually found her pieces to be really interesting and varied:

http://www.achachliebling.com

http://www.achachliebling.com

www.achachliebling.com

www.achachliebling.com

And then there was the name: 11:11 Enterprises…well, not really. I was first attracted to the amount of color splashed out on this table. At closer look I saw that it was all very well organized…oh, they are wallets, and card holders, and passport/check covers…whoa! that’s a lot of stuff. So I took a photo…and then I saw the name of her business. I am born on 11.11 so I asked her why she calls her business 11:11 and she told me that she loves the time. I wish I had asked her a bit more because I am sure she had more to say. Check out her website here (and she has a few interesting blogs):

www.eleveneleven.net

www.eleveneleven.net

www.eleveneleven.net

www.eleveneleven.net

I bought a little orange vinyl purse/pouch from Miss Alison just because I really needed one. Her handmade pouches of all sizes and shapes are really colorful and playful:

www.missalison.com

www.missalison.com

www.missalison.com

www.missalison.com

I didn’t spend too much time at this booth, but I again loved the colors and the amazing amount of products on display with a common theme: sketches of a cute little girl. Jen Lukas has got them painted on little wooden squares, on canvas bags (the bags were REALLY cute!), even mouse pads. That’s what you call a niche:

www.jenlukas.com

www.jenlukas.com

Amy McClure from Olaria Studios (Olaria means pottery in Portuguese) makes jewelry out of clay. Her colors and designs are what pulled me to her booth:

http://www.olariastudio.com

http://www.olariastudio.com

These next photos are from booths that I didn’t spend too much time at but did find interesting:

Sara Paloma Pottery: www.sarapaloma.com

www.sarapaloma.com

www.sarapaloma.com

Hilary Williams Fine Art: www.hilaryatthecircus.com

www.hilaryatthecircus.com

www.hilaryatthecircus.com

www.hilaryatthecircus.com

www.hilaryatthecircus.com

Mediums To Masses: www.mediumstomasses.com

www.mediumstomasses.com

www.mediumstomasses.com

And last but not least, the ETSY booth. If you are interested in handcrafted art (to make yourself or purchase) go to this amazing site called etsy: www.etsy.com
You can easily create your own page and display/sell/share what you make with millions of other creatives. I myself have dabbled in jewelry, but I have not touched any of my tools in over a year. I am what Barbara Sher would call a “scanner”…I am into so many things, they come and go into my life…and then they come again! So when I do touch my tools again I will share that with my readers.

www.etsy.com

www.etsy.com

 

numb to the desire to live a genuine life July 1, 2008

This morning I woke up early, as usual. I made my coffee, went to the bathroom, drank my glass of water, turned on my computer, checked my email, responded to some, saved some for later…at this point I usually make a decision. Should I stay at the computer and work on a project? Do some morning writing? Lie down on the couch and turn on the TV? Lie down on the couch and read a book? Most of the time I decide to read a book. Except I just finished a book which I loved: Kafka at the shores by Haruki Murakami ~ I read it in German! :) …and so now I have a few other books I am reading at the same time, but none of them that are really capturing my attention.
So I stand there, in the middle of my living room, as I so often do when i am not sure what I should do (remember, it is VERY early in the morning…my morning walk, for instance, doesn’t happen for another hour or two). I’m turning in circles, both physically and mentally. And then I decide to open one of my cabinets that has more unfinished, unread books. I “randomly” grab one: Being Zen by Ezra Bayda. Ok, I think. let’s see where I left off last time.

Oh…I was only at page 9! Didn’t get too far with that one…

I lie down and begin the chapter at page 9. It is called: Fast, Cheap and Out of Control.

I read. I keep reading. Something inside me begins to stir. My eyes read faster than they are used to. Whoa! Yes! Exactly! Yes!
And then I stop reading for a moment. I think to myself: hey! this is speaking exactly to what I have been struggling with in the past months. Hell! My entire life! Words I have been using to describe my recent state of being/thoughts/desires: numb, genuine life, authenticity, fears, control, comfortable and safe…
Hey Ezra! How did you know that I had to pick up your book and read this particular chapter?

So I keep reading and immediately as I finish this chapter, I think of a few people I know who would appreciate reading these words as well. So I get up and I begin to scan each page. I am excited. I feel like a question I have been asking very recently has been answered. Or at the very least, what I suspected is being given to me in words on a page.
When you feel stuck, when you feel fear, when you feel numb, when you are so afraid to take steps in your life towards what you know with certainty is a more genuine life: what do you do? how do you do it? How do you get out of your MIND, out of your “too much thinking” mode and just DO IT? How do you step away from numbness, from fears, from too much self-control…how do you walk away from the attraction of what is safe and comfortable into the risks of a truly genuine life…into a more authentic life?

At my last therapy session (yes, I am back in therapy), I was asked to just close my eyes and see what I feel. See what images come to mind. Feel. Not think. Feel. Not think. I am a very ‘feeling” person, but I don’t really allow myself to just feel. I protect my feelings with my analytical mind. I control what I don’t know or understand with my ability to distance myself from it by thinking too much.

And so…Ezra gives me a clue. He talks about self-observation. I think: HEY! that is what I do all the time! But then, he immediately explains to me the difference between objective self-observation which is neither analytical nor judgmental. It observes as from a distance. It is not introspection, it is just awareness.

I think I understand. I need to learn to take one more step back and not try to hold on too tightly to understanding WHY I do what I do. Watch it, notice it, observe it, yes, understand it…and then, let it go. By holding on to it, I am placing labels on my personality. But the reality is that our personality, our being is not stagnant. It is not a lion that one can tame. It is in constant transition, change, growth. I understand my problem: I hold on so tightly to self-analysis out of fear of losing control. I do not dare to take the next step. The step that says: yes, that is me. ok. Accept it and move on.

I need to learn to take the step. Move on.

Ezra tells me that meditation can help me:

Until we learn to observe ourselves objectively, we will remain prisoners of our substitute life. Yet as we live the practice life, looking with increasing honesty at all the ways that we’ve held ourselves back in fear, we can also begin to experience the freedom of stepping outside our protected room and into the genuine life that awaits us.

Here are the pages I have scanned:

 

Bon Anniversaire Maman! April 12, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — mikkelina @ 9:34 pm

Today is my mother’s birthday. She’s in Germany with the rest of my family. I am here in San Francisco and can’t be there when the whole family is celebrating her birthday at an Italian restaurant and then at my brother’s house. But we talk so often on the phone, that I always feel like I am right there with them.

No, I don’t want to get all sappy, but today is her day and I want to tell you a bit about my mother. Eliane was born in Paris, France. She was one of 11 children. At that time they were called “famille nombreuse” (family with many children). Her mother’s background is an interesting one too (born in Algeria to Jewish parents ~ she converted though when she married my grandfather and my mother always told us that my grandmother became “more catholic than the Pope” ~ that’s pretty funny!), but she was a pretty typical French housewife who had LOTS of children. A good woman, strict, but good. My grandfather, according to my mother, was a really kind, hard-working man. Everyone loved him.

When I look at pictures of my mother when she was a little girl I am always impressed by her ‘feistiness”, which I can see in her stance, her look…just the way she held herself. She says that she was always a happy girl, a bit of a tomboy, that everywhere she went people would say “here comes sunshine”. Even though her family was not rich, they had what they needed. And they had each other. The girls shared clothes, they only had one pair of shoes, they had a brother who was mentally disabled and everyone took care of him, there was always food on the table. My grandparents always made sure of that.

During WWII they left Paris and lived in the countryside for a while (la campagne) in a village called Amboise (about 2 hours from Paris). It was not easy there, but she has fond memories of that time.

When the war ended and they returned to Paris, my mother met my father at a dance hall called “Salle Cadet”. I have written about this in a previous post here. They fell in love instantly. When my mother tells me this story, I am always amazed at the similarities with her when I was a teenager. My mother was not allowed to go dancing (she was 17) let alone go meet a boy she liked. So she and her sister would lie to their parents and tell them that they were going to the movies instead. That seemed to be allowed. I did the exact same thing when I was 17! (my mother knew, my father didn’t). Eventually she brought my father home to meet the parents. They immediately liked him. Since my grandmother had been raised Jewish, she enjoyed talking about Jewish traditions with my father. The relationship lasted for less than a year and my father (and his brother) finally received their visa to immigrate to the United States. I know that these were mixed feelings for my father. He was happy to finally get what they had waited for for years, but now he had this girl here that he loved and didn’t want to leave behind.

He did leave her behind and left for New York with a torn heart. That was to be the end of their love. They thought they would never see each other again. To make a long story short, he couldn’t forget her and with the help of his then boss, he was able to get my mother to come legally to the United States so he could marry her.

Now here’s where I look at my mother and am amazed. Remember, this was back in 1949. She was 19 years old. She had never left Paris (except for the time during the war) and knew nothing else but her little life in her arrondissement (sections of Paris are divided into arrondissements). She did not get on a plane or boat with her parents, her family or even a sister. She decided (with the blessing of her parents) to travel by boat, alone, without knowing the language…really to an unknown destination. This place called New York where this man that she loved but hadn’t seen in about a year was supposed to wait for her and marry her. She tells me that the closer she got to New York the more scared she was because “what if he wasn’t there when I get there?”.

Well, he was there. And they were happy to see each other. And they got married. And they lived in New York and Connecticut for 14 years. And they had 3 boys. And then they moved to Germany and had a daughter (me). To this day they still live in Germany. They have been married for 58 years.

My mother is still the sunshine that people called her when she was a child. My mother has always been the rock of the family. She is unassuming, always looks after others, always places others first. This is what I grew up with. The love that my mother gave me and all of us can not be put into words. We are who we are because of her. (ok, you too Papa, but it’s not your birthday today! hahaha). She taught us manners. She gave us the sense of family. She gave us school lunches EVERY single day of our school days. She cooked breakfast, lunch and dinner for us EVERY single day of the time that we lived at home. She picked me up at ballet lessons. She always gave us that warm feeling of home and when we were sick, we were always happy to be able to stay at home with maman. Lest you think that she was our slave, no, she was our mother. She did everything with love. She also disciplined us and made sure that we knew right from wrong. Everybody loves my mother. Everybody.

And today, Maman, c’est a moi et a ton mari et a tes fils et tes petits fils et fllles de te dire combien nous t’aimons.

Ce n’est pas toujours possible d’exprimer combien on aime quelqu’un avec des mots. Mais je ne me fais pas trop de mauvais sang pour ca. Notre famille n’a jamais été une de ses familles qui dis “I love you”…mais nous le montrons tous les jours avec nos actions et notre engagement. Depuis toujours. Nous le savons tous. Tu le sais.

Bon anniversaire, chère maman! I will be home very soon and we’ll go downtown and we’ll just spend time together as we always do.

I miss you. I love you. I am happy that you have always been my maman and always will be.

Je t’aime,
ta fille.

 

An Inconvenient Truth — by Al Gore December 26, 2006

Filed under: Film Recommendation, US Politics & Policy, Uncategorized — mikkelina @ 5:50 am

poster.jpg

Just watched Al Gore’s “An Inconvenient Truth” and even though it is quite depressing to watch, it is VERY important for all of us to realize the urgency of the state of this earth. As he says, this is the only one we have! For the sake of future generations we need to become aware of the truth. For more information, go to:
www.climatecrisis.net

 

The Bush Administration’s 9/11 Story is a Conspiracy Theory November 9, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — mikkelina @ 3:32 pm

Here’s another good video I found on YouTube. If you want to see more such videos, you can subscribe to HALIFAXION, who seems to have a way to find these videos.

  • The Bush Administration’s 9/11 Story is a Conspiracy Theory
  •