I do dream. Last night for instance I dreamt that I was trying to get to my apartment on Polk Street. It was very dark in the street and I had a very bad back ache. I struggled to walk and couldn’t immediately find the place. Eventually I did.
These are the kinds of dreams I have. Snippets. I hardly EVER have dreams that feel like more of a story, even a fairy tale kind of story. So, I will share my dream with you. It happened on December 20th. I’ve sat with this one and tried to understand what it is saying. My therapist (yes, I have a therapist!) has given me some interesting insight into it. If anyone gets any “visions”, please share:
I am with a family by a pool. Even though I don’t have a complete swimsuit (bottom only of a bikini) I still decide to go swim. There is a blue rectangular box out of wood, open on one side. I use it to swim and cover my breasts. I am self -conscious and don’t want anyone to see my breasts. I swim from one pool and get out with Jutka (this is my ex-sister in law) to walk over to another pool. We walk through rooms and hallways that have old wooden US military-type furniture. I tell her that this is also the kinds of desks we have a City College. We return to the original pool and I keep swimming but am conscious that some people are looking at me and trying to see my breasts. I look up to my family and it looks like we are leaving. I swim over to a man who knows me. He seems to like me, but he is not the one who I like. He has defined muscles and tanned skin. I can feel that he wants me but I don’t want him. I finally tell him that I am leaving and go to give him a kiss on the cheek. He wants a kiss on the lips and I do but then I regret it because I feel that he wants more. I get away from him. I look up and see another younger man walking by the side of the pool. There is something about him that is not completely normal. But he is the one I am in love with. I look up at him and motion that I am leaving. He seems very sad. I get out of the water and have to leave with the family.
Change of scene. I am walking on a dirt road in a field. It is a hot summer day. I am only wearing a long orange dress, no shoulder straps. I have reddish blonde hair in high pigtails. I walk fast. I am going towards a village. I am confident, but a quiet, mysterious type woman. People pass me on bikes. No one pays attention to me even though I am a bit nervous about being alone there. It is a bit isolated. I feel a sense of danger. I enter the village. I am looking for him. I see the other man (the one in the pool) walking down the road and I hide. The angle of the camera changes and suddenly I am looking down on the scene of this woman. The first guy doesn’t see me. He walks towards a car that is parked behind me. An old 50s type light green and white car. There are 2 men in it. He enters the car; they all laugh. He puts his arms around the shoulders of the driver…they all seem gay. They drive. Suddenly they think they saw me. I turn back and run to find a place to hide. I really don’t want them to see me. I enter a courtyard. This is an old kind of village, like in France, with old stone buildings. I see a tunnel where a group of people with children is riding out of with their bikes. In the meantime the 3 guys are out of their cars, walking down the street with the guy that I do like…they are looking for me. His face is serious because he wants to see me and is worried about me.
I go through the tunnel and there are steps going down, then a larger step that I have to jump down from to get to the lower level. I stand at the top of that step. An old woman is on the path below looking up at me with a smile. She is talking to me in a nice way, trying to get me to come down to her. There are many cats. I don’t know it, but I am in danger. The one watching the scene, the “camera”, knows it but can’t say anything. I go down…but then I feel the danger. I see dead cats on sticks. She now looks like a mean old woman, a witch. Suddenly a lion comes running towards the girl (I am no longer the girl but the onlooker, the camera) and attacks her. I, the dreamer, can’t believe this is happening. The woman is motionless on the ground and being bitten and eaten. The flesh is being pulled off. Two men, farmers, come and one of them is yelling at the old woman. He is angry at her (could be his mother). He yells things, saying something like: this is such a beautiful young woman…you can’t do that! And he drives his bulldozer over to the body and lion and pushes the lion away. Then he takes the body into the hands of the bulldozer. It is not clear if the woman is still alive, but even if she was, she is badly damaged. I was no longer the woman. I was the dreamer watching the scene.
I wake up.
