when life changes… February 10, 2009
When your life changes, you do things you have always done..and then you do new things. You meet new people. You feel liberated. Sometimes you feel sad and long for what was familiar. And then you decide to knit on the couch and watch a Lebanese film ~ to heat up left overs for the 3rd time ~ to feel empty and full at the same time ~ you listen to italian music from the 80s ~ and then copy a quote a dear friend sent you:
“Ce qu’on apprend dans la vie, c’est la grammaire du silence, la leçon de lumière. Il faut du temps pour apprendre. Il faut tellement plus de temps pour s’atteindre.“(Bobin)
and you try not to think too much about what will happen next. because thinking too much gets you confused and depressed and lost. and then you remember that you wanted to be lost for a little while. you wanted to turn in circles in the middle of tall trees — a sort of meadow that has no specific paths. you hate paths right now, even though you know you need them.
and then you wonder how much you will tell the world about what you are going through. and you feel like things could be worse…
freedom has a price. you don’t yet know what it is. you are redefining your world, your self. the world right now is a white sheet of paper on which you can draw and write and sing, dance and jump. even your tears will decorate parts of it…but that’s ok. it’s what you wanted.
