A day up the Hudson River November 26, 2007
don’t worry, this is NOT the last video. There are more.
This one is of my day spent up in the area where I went to College (although we didn’t visit New Paltz)…Hudson, Chatham, Catskill…
Takin’ the train to Poughkeepsie… November 23, 2007
I am slowly putting together the videos that I took during my New York City trip. Here’s the first one…of my trainride up to Poughkeepsie. A beautiful 2 hour ride at the height of the Fall foliage.
I really wish youtube would come up with a better way to compress videos. This video is 5 minutes long and after saving it on my computer using imovie (84 mb), it looks really good and clear. After it is uploaded and compressed onto youtube though, it really loses so much of its crispness. But who am I to complain when this is a free service…!
Birthday Dance in New York November 22, 2007
For the first time in my life, I am spending the last hours of my birthday with people I don’t know. I don’t feel alone ~ or lonely. It is an unusual birthday because I am at neither of my homes. Not in San Francisco with my husband, nor in Germany with my parents and brothers. I have chosen instead to spend it in New York ~ with strangers. That’s a slight exaggeration, although it could have just as well been that way. Had I not gone up to visit John and Hillary in Catskill the night before; had I not had dinner with Jessica that evening.
Now I decide that on a future birthday I want to really spend it completely alone from midnight to midnight ~ without seeing one human being ~ camping or perched on top of a mountain, meditating all day. Ok. Another very slight exaggeration as I am unable to meditate for more than ten minutes without opening one corner of my eye every thirty seconds to see if the time is already up. But you get the picture. This would simply be something I’ve never done before and I like the challenge of facing another unknown. Just like this last birthday. It was so simple too.
After a delicious dinner with Jessica at a minuscule Belgian restaurant, she takes me to Café Noir on Grand Street in Soho. We find that perfect spot. The corner table at the entrance where I, my back against the window, have the best possible view of “the show”. Before ordering alcohol (Sangria seems to be the signature drink) I have a café latte to give me the boost I need to stay up late. Jessica and I sit together for a short while. She has to leave because she has a blind date… “a blind date with a blind man” she tells my video camera. Typical Jessica humor that gives me a chuckle every single time. Before she leaves, we arrange to text each other about a half hour after she has met that unknown man ~ the choice of messages are simple: yes or no.
Translation: YES = it’s going well ~ talk to you tomorrow. NO = wait for me! I’ll be back soon!
The time comes and I text her. Her reply is neither: OK! I laugh. Question. Think hard. My final conclusion is that she will not be back. I don’t wait. But I also don’t leave.
By now I’ve got my glass of Sangria, water, my journal, pen, camera and glasses decorating my tiny two-seater of a wooden table. Next to me is another tow-seater. And next to that one is a large table occupied by six so-called gorgeously made up sexy and “I’m in the mood to party” women. They laugh, they talk, they get up to smoke, they move…conscious of every move, attracting the attention of the men standing behind them at the bar. The game is well and on. I can’t catch up with counting the looks flying back and forth between the sexes. I occasionally interrupt my stares with sentences in my journal. My game is on too. My journal is my tool. I am aware that without that tool, I would only look awkward and sad. Instead, my journal justifies my lonesome presence. Nobody questions. As a matter of fact, I feel the looks and I know what people are thinking.
My new neighbor, the cute French man, asks me if I am writing about the people in the pub. I want to say “no, writing about YOU!”, but I nod and point his attention to the man at the bar with the down jacket “qui se rince les yeux” (this is a French expression which literally translates to “rinsing his eyes”, usually used when a person is staring at a man or woman they find very attractive). After a brief exchange of words about the fact that I speak French, I go on to explain to him why this scene is worth writing about. The French man laughs and shows his amusement at the straightforwardness and truth of my seemingly unimportant observation.
I tell him that this is just a small example of what I like to write about. I allow him to think that the way in which I describe these scenes is mind-blowing. I allow myself to enjoy the brief moment of being seen as a good writer.
The next neighbor, an adorable Greek boy, tells me that I am the “next Harry Potter lady!” I laugh. I love it. I tell him I wish he were right.
The evening rolls along smoothly and I am in my element. Virginia, the Greek girl with the group of Greek Gods, invites me into their circle by talking to me with a smile. She is extremely friendly. The kind of person, even though she is probably half my age, I would go hiking or to the movies with. As a matter of fact, they are all friendly. No pretension, no big egos, no insecurities, no fears. Just a bunch of good friends savoring the moment with each other and welcoming any willing participant into their midst. We sing “happy birthday” at least three times – to me and to Konstantinos, who’s turning 27 on that day.
I am at home. The world is a good place. My angels protect me once again and give me gifts.
I have another Sangria. I get even friendlier than I already am when alcohol flows through the open streams of my vessels. Some people become more aggressive. Where the source of that behavior comes from is not clear to me. All I know is that by the time I am completely drunk (which is rare), I will hug every moving being and profess my worldly love to them. Embarrassing, for sure. Thankfully though, I know that I am probably not the only one in a state of bliss. Except of course, the aggressive one, who would rather punch me at that moment.
Konstantinos #2 (the one who calls me “the next Harry Potter lady”) decides to teach me a Greek dance. Virginia catches it on video. This video, my friends, will remain locked in the deep vault of my “never to surface” collection. Yet, even with the embarrassing scenes, I am later brought back to the reality of that evening. Indeed, I have spent the last hours of my birthday with strangers who seem like lifelong friends.
And so I conclude: it is a choice we make. The silly animals that we are roam the world choosing friends and enemies. If we were attacked by alien invaders like in the movies we’d certainly push aside all differences and choices and hold hands, protecting each other, helping, saving each other from the greater “enemy”. Just like we do in a disaster. I am always amazed and perturbed at the surprise that reporters express at the humanitarian assistance we give each other in times of disaster. Of COURSE we help each other! It is our natural instinct. We don’t know it until we are faced with it. If only we remembered and understood this so simple truth at all times, we would not see each other as different. We’d all be learning the steps of Greek and Arabic and French and Chinese and American dances…
It is so simple. Try it. Challenge yourself to push aside your inflated egos, your exaggerated national pride, your religious insecurities and your bigotry against your unknowns. See the true simplicity of this childlike moment we are all a part of and learn to open your heart to what seems so different to you. And if you already share this naive view with me, then continue, as I do, to focus your attention on those who don’t understand or see yet how simple it can be. Use your power to influence them in a positive way. Find your tools. Tell your stories. No rules. No judgement. Just life.
Petition for an answer November 13, 2007
If any of you have read Elizabeth Gilbert’s book “eat, pray, love”, you know what I mean. For those of you who haven’t had that pleasure (get the book!), I will not get into details about the book, but will mention that she is going through an ugly and long divorce (no, I am not going through a divorce) and while driving with her friend, that friend suggests that she write a petition to God to “intervene and help end this divorce”. After she writes the detailed petition, she imagines all the people who sign it: ghandi, the Clintons, her entire family, Jackie Robinson, the Dalai Lama…the list is endless. Needless to say, she is exhausted, falls asleep for about 10 minutes only to be woken up by a phone call from her lawyer telling her the news: he signed the papers.
So, when I woke up this morning, later than I usually do, I first stayed in bed to read from that book, and then took my shower. I always get great ideas while taking a shower. Inspired by the story of her petition I decided to put my own petition on my blog.
This is my last day in New York City. I just had breakfast at Cafe Orlin (yummy!) and wrote in my journal. Yesterday was not the best day. A combination of exhaustion from walking so much, deciding to finally look for boots and then remembering that I get depressed when I’m not really in the mood to shop, and, well, I was not in the mood yesterday. As a matter of fact, I had to drag myself out of the apartment at around 8pm to go eat something. I’d never ever go to bed without dinner!
But this is not about my days in New York. I will write about that at a later date, when I am not being charged $1 per 10 minutes to use the internet in a shabby old copy shop.
No, I am writing my petition to God. I am not a big religious person. I am spiritual in my own way. So since the author is not afraid to use the name of God, neither will I. I am petitioning for an answer today. I have spent 5 days in New York and it has been fun, interesting and good for me. But it hasn’t been what I expected. I sort of expected to have an epiphany. I know. Too many expectations will cause disappointment. Well, I am feeling a bit disappointed today. But I am not giving up. Today is the last day. And I want to have a conversation with someone or something that will embody an angel, a guide, even God. I ask not much. I only ask for a conversation that will give me the answer to my question:
What is fogging up my vision?
I need someone or something, a sign, a word, a conversation that will release me from the stuckedness I am in. I know I think too much. I know I have everything I could possibly want. I know I am still searching for something. A connection to the world. Communication. Conversation. Lessons. Observations. How many of us have that? The fascinating French woman singing at Chibi’s Sake Bar last night had it. A writer has it. Perhaps I have it and I don’t know it. So I ask again: what is it that is fogging up my vision?
At 10:04am New York time, I am putting this petition to the world (and the Universe).
I have hours ahead of me for the answers to come.
To you, my reader…I know you are reading and will not respond. But please, after you read these words, could you please say a little prayer in your own language, in your own style for me? This is what I need today.
Thank you!
flying to New York City today! November 8, 2007
That’s it…in a few hours I will be on my flight to New York with Jet Blue. Got my bags packed, backpack filled with “flight entertainment” and I can’t believe that I am nervous. I have flown so many times in my lifetime that I always look forward to that feeling of freedom when alone at the airport, getting settled, watching people, wondering if I should eat, get more magazines, get coffee, sit down at the gate, walk around the terminal, take a s–t…I’ve always known that someone will be at my arrival destination waiting for me with open arms, taking me “home” in their car.
This time I will arrive and there will be no one. I will have to figure out how to get to my very short-term home on my own. I’ve done this airtrain/Jamaica Station/subway route several times before…but never at 9 or 10pm at night to a destination I’ve never been to before.
Yes. I am both nervous and excited. Do I dare say that I am a bit scared? Well, you know. It’s one of those moments when you feel like a kid again and yes, you feel a bit scared just because it is a natural human instinct to release a few hormones that make you feel like “what da hell are you doing??”. Scared is good. And it’s not something I really need to be scared about, I know. it’s not like I am flying to a war zone, or a tiny remote village in Africa where I will work for a year. No. I am flying to New York City where I will relax and refresh.
What are my expectations? I try not to have too many. But I know I have some. Other than meeting up with two friends at different times, I will be on my own the rest of the time. Oh my! How fun. I expect to get up very early in the mornings (as I anyway always do — it’s 5am now, I do not need to be up at this time and I have been up for 30 minutes!), go out for a walk to find a different cafe/bakery every monring and have my coffee and breakfast. I expect to walk A LOT. I expect to write A LOT. I expect to buy a few books. I expect and hope to meet people and have a few really good conversations. I hope to meet an old man or woman who will tell me something meaningful or just tell me their story. I hope to have some fun. I expect to observe people. I expect to clear my mind and just take everything in. I expect to feel so alive that I want to yell “I love you!!” from the top of a building.
We’ll have to see. I never really anticipate problems, but maybe there will be some. One never knows.
The thought of being alone for a week in a city I love refreshes my spirit already and makes me think I am really silly to feel frightened.
I’ve decided not to take my camera with me. This is a big one. I forgot the charger at work and don’t feel like going there to get it. Instead of getting frustrated about this I decided to take it as a sign. No photos. I will bring my video camera instead (I was going to bring both) and anything that I see that seems worth recording will be done on video. A different perspective for me. A new idea. A challenge I welcome.
New York City November 5, 2007
That’s right…I am going on (I think) my first real vacation with just me, my best buddy. Decided to spend 6 days in New York City…in November…Fall…my favorite season. What will I do? walk, sit in cafes, write, read, watch, talk, think, walk, eat pizza every day (oh and chicken parm heros), visit museums, go to the movies perhaps once, visit a friend close to New Paltz and for a very short time imagine what it would be like to really live in that crazy wonderful city. Alone. Time to think. Or not think. Just be.
I will be subletting a studio close to Union Square. I will not bring my computer, but I will write and hopefully some of it will make in onto my blog, which has been a bit quieter these past weeks. Well, such is life. At moments we are so inspired to write and share and at other times we do nothing creative.
Do I have expectations? sure! but I am open to whatever comes my way. New York is a great place to be alone…I can already feel the buzz and the energy that I so love there.
Until soon…perhaps I will write from there…
Youtube video ~ How we met November 4, 2007
Found this really clever and cute video on Youtube the other day and just had to post it here…
